THE THING CALLED LOVE...

THE THING CALLED LOVE... When John made up his mind to marry his girlfriend of over four years, he was advised by his parents and pastors to think through HIS DECISION. "I LOVE her dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with her" John said to his parents and pastors. "Son, LOVE is a strong word. Have you thought through what it really means?" His Dad asked him. "Yes Dad, I have loved her for four years now" John responded. "I see...but you know Son, the duration of a relationship isn't a confirmation of love. Don't mistake fondness for love. Just a word for you." Dad said to John. John was CONVINCED that he loves his girlfriend Catherine and she loves him too. They can't wait to be together forever! Dad and Mum gave their blessings, Pastors instructed the marriage counselling unit to start preparations, a celebration of LOVE was in the air - or so everyone thought. One evening, just few weeks to the wedding, John flung open the door to the living room and with anger yelled "I am sorry Dad, I can't go on with the wedding!!" "Calm down Son, what is it?" Dad asked John "The test result just came out and Kate is HIV+!" John responded, really upset. Dad stayed quiet for a while and asked John "Do you still LOVE her?" "I am not sure any longer!" John answered. "Hmmmm..... you're not sure any longer?" Dad mused. "Well, you took the DECISION of spending the rest of your life with her. The decision to call it off is also yours to make. But here is what I will tell you, don't take life-long decisions based on convictions you are not sure of." Mayple (c) 2012.

HOW LAZINESS INSPIRED MY GREATNESS

I felt the pangs of anger as they hit fiercely against my chest as I walked out of the interview room with my head downwards. The interviewing panel had just lambasted me and termed me one of the average Nigerian youths, which means I am lazy, and you might ask “why do I say so?” I say so because they also said straight to my face that the average young person in Nigeria is lazy. I sluggishly used my fingers to slacken my neck-tie as I strolled out of the building feeling very bad with what I just experienced. Amidst my anger, resentment, and bad feelings, I kept asking myself “were they wrong about their assertion?” or “am I really lazy?” I pondered…. I left school four years ago, and when they asked me what I’ve been doing since I left school, I stammered saying “erm…erm….erm…” and like as though the light switch in a dark dungeon just got turned on, I became alive, speaking fluently as I opted to cling unto the usual “there are no jobs” lyrics while narrating my job hunting ordeal to them. They asked me, “what value will this your job hunting experience add to our organization?” The light in the dungeon instantly went off as I stood dumbfounded before the panel with my eyes fixed sternly at the floor. Several times, I have heard people say that young chaps of these days are lazy and I always fought against such assertions, arguing that young chaps “seem” lazy because they lack the opportunity to put their potentials into use, what a lazy argument I had! If only I knew that it was nobody’s responsibility but mine to utilize my potentials. If only I knew that I had to be prepared to maximize the opportunity I pray and wish for. Now, today, I have blown my opportunity to get a job and the interview panel had just called me lazy to my face. What a bitter truth! A truth I have always ran away from, or rather a truth that I have always denied, because it seems like this truth lives in me and I have always neglected it. Now, I am haunted by the truth in the form of memories. I remember gallivanting around cinemas instead of seeking seminars to attend. I remember spending money on recharge cards, blackberry subscription for pinging, clothes, fashion accessories, and every other thing you can think of, except for things that will add value to me and help me to be better prepared for the labour market. I’ve done things that are merely necessary, and left undone the very important things, lazy me! I have always had high hopes to get a good job at which I will excel, make and save some money, settle down with a nice lady, move into a decent apartment, set up an elegant wardrobe, cruise a classy car, and just basically live a tush life with an admirable and enviable swag. I just want to be highly successful, but wait a minute, how on earth was I expecting to attain such feats without the needed corresponding actions that will yield my desired results? I can’t believe this; the interview panel was right about their assertion. I just confirmed it myself, how lazily ambitious I’ve been, lazy me! Mayple Twitter @mapledappa ......I know some of you might be wondering if this really happened to me! Well, it didn't. As a writer, I enjoy the thrill of writing in disguise. I hope you'll find the message meaningful either for yourself or someone you know.My MISSION remains.....inspiring you to greatness!

THE MIRROR OF REGRET

In the last one week, I have been having a lot of thoughts concerning my life and the choices I have made so far, mostly the wrong and negative ones. I engaged in this activity in order to dig up the lessons I must have left unlearnt. These lessons will help guide me more towards the life I desire to live even as I Focus on the future. Please share in my thoughts. May be it will make you realize some things you haven’t realized or it will provoke your own thoughts in some way.

On daily basis we make choices either by our decisions, actions, or inactions, and so it is very important that we consider the pending consequences of our choices in life. Unfortunately, this is where a lot of us start our journey to regrets. We make choices without considering their consequences.

Somehow someway, it is very likely that a lot of us may have messed up at one point in time or the other, but then it becomes very detrimental to not just our future but also to the society when we make ‘messing up’ a way of life through incessant alcoholism, immorality, substance abuse, character flaws, etc. while there are factors which we may point out as being responsible for our ‘messing up’ and as such need help, it is also imperative that we put in effort to live right. We’ve got to live our lives and try to live it right. Our family needs us as much as the world needs us to be positive contributors to its existence.

A couple of hours ago, a good friend of mine shared with me in my inbox a disturbing photo which she saw. It was a photo of her Facebook friend who was having sex with a lady. One will wonder why that friend had to upload it to Facebook in the first place. The first thing that came to my mind was what if someone gets to save the photo and in a few years time the children of this sex partners see it? Or do we not know that anybody can save the pictures we upload and use it for any purpose? What kind of training will this two give to their kids when they become parents? Like I said in one of my updates, there is more to training a child than just providing material things.

I know of a man who is just 37 years old and he already has 13 children. I know a lot of you may be quick to ask what is wrong with that or why didn’t he go for family planning? Well, let me inform you that the children are from five different mothers. So what really matters – family planning or sexual discipline? I sense someone saying what if he has the money to take care of them? It will interest you to know that he is poor and cannot even take good care of the four plus his real wife living in the house with him not to talk of the others. You can see that this man is well on his way to a future of regrets because since he is just 37, there are many more women to meet unless he realizes himself and turns a new leaf.

Let’s look at the story of a young woman who is already having regrets. Early December last year, her husband came to me to get my opinion of something bordering his mind. He has 3 kids with his wife and the 3rd suddenly took ill. After several test it was diagnosed that she has sickle cell anemia. The man is AA while the wife is AS and after several test it was proven that the baby wasn’t her husband’s. She had been in an affair with another man who was AS hence the reason for the daughter being SS. After much talk, Husband says he will forgive her, but he cannot take the responsibility of spending money on another man’s child that is even likely to die. She wishes she could turn back the hands of time to correct her mistake, but then the deed has been done. She has come face-to-face with herself in the Mirror of Regret.
There are a lot of people who want to be like Bill Gates and yet they’ve never attempted to read about him to know how he got there. They would rather be sipping Hennessey from morning till night than thinking of solutions and ideas. They would rather be in night clubs than to be in the Computer Lab or in the garage studying micro chips.

Often I hear young people say they want to get married early in order to avoid pre-marital sex/promiscuity or rather they will stop sexual immorality when they get married. This is what I say to them as well as to myself; if we do not train ourselves on sexual discipline while we are unmarried, we will have the problem of adultery to contend with when we eventually get married.

We are in a struggle or as some will say ‘rat race’ for financial (business & career inclusive), social, political, and even spiritual growth and yet we hardly pay attention to our personal growth. Personal growth isn’t merely capacity building as some may presume. Personal growth is simply the personality we are building and at the end of the day our personality is what reflects to the world the kind of life we actually lived and the success we claim to have achieved. If you become a wealthy man without a remarkable personality, the world may try to get what it can from your wallet and it will still spit on your face. I think Tiger Woods will understand this better after the scandal which I consider a mistake, but of course ‘mistake’ is what we all term our misdeeds and mess-ups, isn’t it? Watch your personality on daily basis my dear friends.

It is no longer a new thing that a lot of things in our society now reek of sex. Parties, company advertisements, product marketing, music, dance steps, fashion, and a lot of social activities are all fast becoming sex-branded. Little wonder why there is also a proliferation in the incidences of STD’s, Abortions/D & C’s, Infertility, loss of libido, watery/low sperm count, sexual abuse and even decrease in masculine sexual prowess (what the muti-men often refers to as ‘inability to go more than one round’) with one’s spouse. The danger of the sins of the flesh is that we try to defend it and refuse doing anything about it until the adverse consequences befalls us. God help us.

My purpose of writing all these is not for anybody to act judgmental towards other persons or to point fingers. This is so because if we think deeper on these things, we will all see a reflection of our own deeds at one corner of the Mirror of Regret. My aim is to make us look into the future of what and who we want to become and consequently begin to be more conscious of the choices we make – more care into how we live our lives.

There may be those who will feel less concerned about these things. To them how they live their lives is strictly their own business and nobody should meddle with their activities, but then I have figured that a time comes when these people come face-to-face with themselves in the Mirror of Regret. They may not express such regrets to those around them, but the reflection of themselves in the Mirror still remains there – hidden regrets! It is with such people of which we may have also been once like, that these two statements has served as a frame for the Mirror of Regret – ‘had I known’ and the second which is actually a question ‘how did I get here in the first place?’

Too often we’ve done almost all the things we weren’t suppose to do and yet we’ve left undone the things we are suppose to do and we are so skilled in making up excuses for our excesses.
We want to soar like eagles and yet we are always in the poultry.
As I end this piece, I will be leaving you with an excerpt from a book by Andy Andrews titled The Traveler’s Gift. He wrote thus:

“Those who absorb and apply this wisdom will rise to greatness and inspire others to the same heights. Those who ignore the power of these scrolls might seem to prosper for a time, but do not be deceived. Their lives will be only brief illusions, and when their time is finished, they will be chained to the Mirror of Regret. There, they will spend eternity examining a reflection of the person they could have become”

You carry in you the SEED OF GREATNESS and what you do with it is also a choice which has a consequence either positive or negative. You still have the choice to make the most of the remaining years of your life. Don’t disappoint yourself.

Dabota's carelessness, Tutu's Stubborness...

Since after I read about how a young boy got saved from an earthquake in Japan because he stubbornly went on a bicycle ride that took him several kilometers away from his city, the idea of writing a story linked to that has been on mind, but I eventually forgot about doing that until I read a short story from a friend's fiance (Uche Anne) that finally inspired me to write this:

Random Musings........

As Dabota parked the car, and stepped out of it to cursorily grab a few items from the supermarket around the corner, she sternly warned her 5year old son, Tutu, not to get out of the car until she gets back.....promising to beat him if he dares step out....

.....almost immediately as his mum walked right through the entrance of the supermarket, Tutu who has gained 'notoriety' for his rebellious tendencies even as a child, also stepped out of the car first ambling around the vicinity and later wandering from the car.....

.....Dabota collapsed just as she was stepping out of the supermarket door and saw a tipper crashing into her car - crushing the locomotive metal and shattering its glasses....

.....Dabota and onlookers screamed for joy when the tad came jumping up & down with arms thrown out in the air....

....seems like Dabota had forgotten her promise to beat Tutu!

There was going to be celebrations....there was going to be a BIG testimony in church with a lot of wining and dining to follow later on at the home of Dabota & Family....

....all for what?

.....Tutu's stubbornness? Hmmm......this life sef!

**From my collection of short stories & inspiring thoughts**

Mayple (c) 2012.

Just as birds...

Just for a moment, imagine a bird deciding to no longer perch on trees simply because the one on which it had its nest was cut down...

...that's what we do when we stop valuing relationships simply because someone or some persons (take note of the word 'some') treated us in a way we didn't like.

Learning Points:

Don't say "that's how all men are" just because a 'few' did you wrong; there are still good guys out there.

Don't tell a customer "if you don't buy, others will" just because the customer was annoying.

Learn from your experiences in relationships that dished hot coal to you as meal, but remember.....

.....you don't burn down your house to get rid of a rat. Meaning not every relationship will work out well, but don't take it out on all other relationships.

Mr. somebody hurt you, not Mr. everybody; so why react to "everybody" like he is "somebody"?

You got my drift?

#YouNeed, INeed, WeNeed - relationships just as the birds need trees for their nests.

**From My Collection of Short Stories & Inspiring Thoughts**

Mayple (C) 2012

Be YOU...

No matter how long you use your finger to submerge a floating cork, it will always pop-up back to the surface once you lift your finger.

Learning Point:

You can't afford to keep living a fake life. Time will reveal how fake you are or how fake your deeds are...

...................................................................................
...................................................................................

Henry built a luxury bungalow to his taste, charles built a luxury duplex...

Okechukwu is a secondary school leaver with no university degree but makes over 500k a month from his laundry business; Matthew graduated with a 2.1 and works at an engineering firm for 80k per month...

Blessing has four healthy kids; Victoria has one healthy kid....

From the three scenarios above, how do you tell who is more successful? What forms our yardstick for measuring success?

Learning Point:

Don't bother yourself with who is more successful than you or whom you are more successful than. Just focus on what you have, what you can get, and make the most of it.

#BeYOU

**From My Collection of Short Stories & Inspiring Thoughts**

Mayple (C) 2012

He Wonders!

While he was just a small village boy, Ndube served as an errand boy to the chief priest of his village.....he watched (and helped receive the items) as various villagers who sought the services of the chief priest came with various items such as brooms, padlocks, eggs, handkerchiefs, sand, etc to either appease the deity or to give as a token to the CP.....

.....after a couple of years, Ndube the village boy became a city boy in the crazily amazing city of Lagos because, a relative of his brought him along after a visitation to the village to come learn a trade.....

.....six years rolled by, and Ndube found himself drawn to a Church within his neighbourhood. He first was a sunday-sunday attendee, but later became a devoted worker (just like he was at the village shrine) after he gave His life to Christ....

....the Church once had a programme and members were to bring items to church, the kind he usually helped the chief priest (CP) at the shrine to receive (padlocks, brooms, sand, etc)....

.....as all manner of prayers were going on, Ndube's mind drifted, and he was asking himself several questions:

»How come 'mpintu', the deity of the village shrine, & the God of the Bible require the same items from their worshippers for requests to be granted?

»Is it that superstition and faith have a spiritual connection?

»Could it be that the pastor of his church and the members all have a history of a deity in their villages which their minds are so attached to that they need these items to hold on to before they are confident of God hearing their prayers?

»But pastor said "at the name of Jesus, every knee must bow", so why is the name of Jesus alone not enough?

»Or is it that I'm letting my mind drift too far away?

.......Ndube wonders!

**From my collection of short stories & inspiring thoughts**

Mayple (c) 2012

MAN IN THE LONG BLACK COAT

He is a man who has visited almost every family, neighborhood, community, society, and nation. His history dates back to the very beginning of the history of man. He is present at different parts of the world at the same time. He walks in the shadows of silence.

He tries to inhabit everything possible in order to make it easier to enlarge his coast. In the car we travel in, even within the city, he tries to inhabit it; When we fall ill, he sees it as an opportunity to step in; As natural disasters occur, he is right at the middle of it all – over 200,000 lives gone in Haiti alone; Where people are seeking fun in the form of unprotected sex, he plants his seeds there in the form of STD’s and so many lives have gone that way; infants are not spared in this as some of them are being taken even before they get to see the light of the day – stillbirth; As we travel on the seas, he opens his mouth wide waiting for a capsize to occur so that he can swallow lives; even through the food we put in our mouth, a lot of lives have been lost – food poisoning; in so many forms, far more than I can mention, he has taken millions of lives. He is the invincible man in a long black coat; he is popular called DEATH.

I woke up by 5:00am yesterday 29th January to the news of the demise of my aunt’s husband who has been hospitalized for the past two weeks. The man in a long black coat strolled into my uncle-in-law’s hospital ward and did what he likes doing best at exactly 4:55am. My aunt and her husband live with their daughter and a few relatives in the flat next to ours. He wasn’t able to walk when he fell ill on that fateful 16th day of January 2010, I and some other person were the ones who carried him into the car that was to take him to the hospital but little did I know that my gesture was my ‘goodbye’ to him.

This is not my first experience of death just like many of you, although in my own case I haven’t lost a parent or sibling to know how exactly that feels, but I can imagine what it is like. Now, considering the fact that most of us have experienced grief over the loss of someone close to us, one question always come to mind:

What have we learnt from these experiences?

Living a great life isn’t necessarily about the experiences you’ve had, but about what you’ve done with your experiences no matter how few or much they might have been.

I have seen people that have made money die - so to what end are you striving to make money?
People have died right in the seat of power – to what end do you want to get power by all means?
People have graduated with fantastic results only to die without using those degrees – what are you using your degree for?
People have lost their spouses to ‘the man in the long black coat’ on the very day of their wedding – to what end are you thinking that marriage is all and all?
A few weeks ago, a bank manager in Port Harcourt was shot dead on his way back home from work – what a sad end to a hot job!

Sometimes, it is like sorrow is the fence of happiness – while there is a large compound (joy), we can’t leave or enter that compound without passing through the fence (sorrow).

Here is a statement we all know and have been using: “vanity upon vanity, all is vanity” but a whole lot of us have failed to look intricately into the meaning of the statement. We have failed to realize that we walk in and out of the shadows of silence quite frequently. We have failed to realize that the only time to live our best life is TODAY - for we do not know what tomorrow brings. We use greedy and selfish prayers to shield ourselves from the reality that all the prosperity we seek will still shrivel to irrelevance. Only the prosperity of the soul (Salvation) will be eternal. Unfortunately, prosperity is being spelt ‘covetousness’ just as faith is being spelt ‘anticipation’ by a lot of people who seek for that which is material instead of seeking that which is eternal.

As I watched people come to give their condolence to my bereaved aunt, I saw people who have been so busy that they’ve NEVER come to see this man in all the times he had fell ill – but now that he is dead, the time has been suddenly created. At this point, it no longer matters what they do – even if they choose to buy a golden casket for him, it doesn’t matter because the casket is mere garbage to be dumped six-feet underground. Be there for people when they are alive not when they are dead!

I have grown to understand that all we are striving for is ‘survival’ but the BIG question still remains, what are YOU surviving for? You’ve had the money, the spouse, the kids, the degrees, the hot job, the cars, the houses, the investments and all that, so, what next?

Here is what I think:

Keeping aside materialism (which you will never finish amassing), what else are YOU achieving? This calls for deep thinking dear friends – think deep! What else are YOU achieving? Remember, your biography when you DIE won’t be an account of your material achievements.

My life started changing from the first time I wrote down my biography and saw that what I wrote wasn’t in line with how I was living. If you truly want to add more meaning to your life, take out a few minutes and write out what you want your biography to be like and then compare it with your lifestyle.

As most of us may know, the KISS OF DEATH is one that we will all get someday and we don’t know when exactly it will happen even though we all pray for long life - We are all going to host the man in the long black coat.

Great religious leaders in the Bible and all over the world have all been visited by the man in the long black coat.

My prayer for YOU all: As much as we pray for long life & prosperity, our lives should count on daily basis for as long as the MAN IN THE LONG BLACK COAT is yet to give us a personal visit. Make an impact in your world, Live your best life today!

The Real Ones...

As a lot of my friends may already know, my messages and SMS most times end with “Dare to be great!” Now for all those who really want to make an impact, I want to drop a few lines for you about the real great ones.

The Real Ones………..

They are not just men of knowledge but men of wisdom

They are not just men of belief but men of faith

They are not just men of charisma but men of character

They don’t just have blood in their veins but have love in their blood

They are not those who haven’t messed up but those who know that God is still in the business of turning GREAT-MESS into GREATNESS!

They are those who know that it takes DARING and not FEARING to make a difference

They are those who really understand the scriptures which says “vanity upon vanity all is vanity”

They are those who have paid or are willing to pay a price for a prize with their tears, sweat and blood.

They are those who know that accomplishments are not tangible, only rewards for accomplishments are.

They are those who would rather be hungry free men than to be well fed slaves

They know that humility is not just a fertilizer to the seed of greatness, but is also a gardener to the germinated seed (the tree itself).

They NEVER want to be successful without Value!

SIPS OF COURAGE

This is an excerpt from the fifth chapter of my book BREAK THAT HABIT. Habits which often take the form of mistakes whenever the consequences pop-up is something that we all have a share of. The problem with bad habits isn't the fact that we picked them up but the fact that we remain in them. This is why i felt i should share a bit of the book from the chapter titled BOLDNESS. I hope you will find it useful and apply to yourself as the case may be. Enjoy the reading.

According to Longman dictionary of contemporary English, courage is the quality of being brave when you are in danger or in a difficult situation. Courage is a very popular word so I won’t be using my cherished ink writing on courage as it has often been used. I will be writing on courage as it concerns our decisions to break certain bad habits in our lives. If you have ever seen a drug addict in a rehabilitation center with his intake being cut down, you will find out that breaking core bad habits is a very difficult situation. A lot of times when we attempt breaking certain bad habits we get discouraged by how deep we are in the habit. We just don’t think it is possible to come out of it. We tend to be like a mountain climber who looks at the height of the mountain and sit at the foot of it discouraged! I guess we must have heard that when there is a hill climb, waiting doesn’t make it smaller. We need to be determined! This is the reason why I want to drop some sips of courage with you while trying to break some of your bad habits and I do hope that you would really take a sip.

1. When you decide to quit ‘alcoholism’ and your friends come around luring you back into it, be courageous to say no!

2. If you find yourself in the midst of drug addicts after your decision to quit, be courageous to walk away!

3. Be courageous not to turn around to take a second look when a pretty girl (may be on skimpy clothes) walks pass you if you have decided to stop being promiscuous!

4. Summon courage to denounce your cult membership once you have resolved to quit the game!

5. You need courage not to dip hands into money that doesn’t belong to you! Courage to stop stealing! Courage to stop embezzling public funds! Courage to stop looting! Courage to return people’s lost items that you found!

6. Be courageous to walk out of that brothel and the pimps once you’ve decided to say bye-bye to prostitution!

7. As a preacher, be courageous not to let the increasing membership and finance of your ministry to divert you from the commission of winning souls!

8. You must be courageous to hold yourself from reacting negatively when others offend you! Courage to forgive!

9. Be courageous to let your parents know of that pregnancy rather than to abort that child that could become a great source of joy to you tomorrow! COURAGE!

10. Summon courage to break away permanently from that evil means of making money!

11. The future isn’t just a place you are going, but a place you are creating. COURAGE to create a better future!

A lot of times we’ve made decisions to break bad habits but we failed to stand by our decision because the decision lacked courage. Courage is what sustains the decision. With these sips of courage blended with our decision, there are a whole lot of things we can still accomplish in life. It is never too late to start nurturing our seed of greatness. Will you take some sips of courage with me today?

LOVE & SEXUALITY

Love is a word that has gained so much popularity in the world. It is a word that cuts across so many facets of life but I will be discussing love as it concerns relationships. The manner in which love is being professed these days seems to me as though it is like money that can be deposited into or withdrawn from a bank account at anytime one pleases. There are a lot of persons who once claimed to have fallen in love and are no longer in love today, this leaves me wondering what then happened to all those relationships? We were no longer in love we may say. This statement then provokes the question; was the feeling we were having actually love? If it was love, why then did it end? Wise King Solomon stated in songs of Solomon 8:7 that, “many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it”. This scripture makes me think that too often the word love which is supposed to be unconditional has been misrepresented with lust (sexual attraction).

One major reason why our world today experiences the proliferation of infidelity and unfaithfulness in relationships is because, most times when a guy tells a lady that he loves her, he is actually consciously (or *unconsciously*) referring to sexuality and not the lady in person! A guy sees many girls walk pass him but once he sets his eyes on a particular girl with body features that are attractive to him (sex appeal), he goes after her and within a week he is so in love! The love he professes is out of libido and not love of the heart and that is why the act of having sex is called “love making”, it is ‘Eros’ which means sexual love. A man/woman in an ‘Eros’ affair, is very likely to have external relationships with persons whose sex appeal surpasses that of their present partner.

Napoleon Hill once wrote, “love affairs not blessed with the eternal affinity of love properly balanced and proportioned with sex cannot be happy ones and seldom endures”. This implies that the feelings existing between a man and a woman must be true love before sexuality can be introduced. Now, for persons who are not married it isn’t advisable for sex to be a part of the relationship because, you aren’t even sure if your partner will end up your spouse! Having pre-marital sex will depreciate your value to your spouse in the future & it will be worse if your spouse’s value had also depreciated. This is one reason why husbands/wives treat their wives/husbands with little or no respect instead of adoring them when the marriage properly begins because, after the wedding comes the marriage! They’ve lost a major percentage of their sexual integrity to persons who weren’t their spouse!

Many young people, who are involved in sexual relationships, keep it secret from their parents and guardians because they know it isn’t right (unfortunately many parents don’t take time to teach us about sexuality, it is like an abomination talking about it & so we tend to embark on an adventure of ‘sexual discovery’ which is one cause of our being trapped in pre-marital sex). Most young men who have pre-marital sex with girls feel very uncomfortable seeing other guys come around their own sisters. They want their sisters’ value to be intact while they are depreciating the value of other young ladies! Like Napoleon also wrote, “when love, romance, and the proper understanding of the emotion and function of sex abide, there is no disharmony between two ‘married’ people”. This goes to say that of course, sex is an ‘almost unavoidable’ necessity but for legal and recognized relationships which is basically marriage.

However, young people should understand that the love being professed every now and then isn’t of the heart but of sex. Relationships are good for us all because they play a vital role in our emotional well-being but they should be built on true love instead of sex. A song writer once asked, “What’s love got to do with it (sex)?” I say if you want to know whether what you are having is true love, withdraw romance & sex from the relationship. If this happens, you will find out that a lot of persons won’t be able to stay in the relationship any longer. They would rather look for new partners that will grant them their sexual desires. The question then is, what about the love we have for our parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and so on, do we have sex or romance with them for us to love them? Certainly not! So why can’t we be in relationships without sex? Truth is, at some point in time based on individuals anyway, we tend to have the urge for sex especially those of us that have been sexually active, but we have to learn how to control our libido. Sometimes you feel ‘cold’ and you need some tender loving care (caressing), well some say they can do that without having sex, but why start what you won’t finish? Bodily romance and caressing has the ultimate goal of sex ‘most’ times (from the angle of the males because we are more libidinous)!

Abstinence I know isn’t easy, but we all know that nothing good comes easy; we have to endure the ‘cold’ to enjoy the ‘gold’. If we can do this, then even when we will be getting married, we are sure that it is out of love and not out of sexual excitement (since marriage now happens to be the escape route from pre-marital sex although I believe that if one gets married to avoid pre-marital sex, then the problem of adultery may most likely come knocking).

Also, you will never know how deep you went until you want to quit or you are faced with a dire repercussion. However, it doesn’t matter how deep we are in illicit sex, what really matters is, do we want to remain in it & keep putting up defenses thereby gambling our future (loss of value, HIV/AIDS which we get scared of going to do a test, falling short of God’s glory & remaining down, etc) or we want to start a conscious process of retracing our steps thereby re-instating our sexual integrity (RETURN TO INNOCENCE!)? I advice we opt for the latter.

Lastly, in as much as we need relationships to help promote our emotional well-being, they are not meant to overshadow the presence of God in our lives. Our relationships should be pleasant to HIM!

Kind Regards
Maple Dappa T >>>MADA re-defined<<<

~~~VIEWING THE END FROM NOW***

Hmm….. na wa o ………………..
That is the response of most of us, when we receive news of the demise of someone, especially someone whom we are close to. Weeping and wailing when someone that is dear to us die is something that is inevitable just as death itself. The trail of tears that rolls down the cheek is a necessary means of expressing our grief. The greatest solace we can ever get after our grief, are the good deeds of the deceased while alive. It doesn’t really matter, what relationship we had or how close we were. What matters is the positive impact which the deceased made in our lives.

Amongst all those whom we’ve lost at one point in time or the other, there are those whom we will forever keep a memory of, while all others have been forgotten since after our period of grief. It is an inevitable fact that we all will die someday. So, it is of great necessity that we endeavor to live a life that matters because; it is the fortitude which those who will be left bereaved will forever need to bear the loss.

Someone who lives an irrelevant lifestyle will end up causing his friends and family what I call ‘double grief’. Firstly, they will be grieved by the person’s demise and secondly, they will be grieved by the shame which the irrelevant lifestyle of the deceased will bring upon them.

We all hope for long life, but the precious gift of living a long life is not a guarantee to anyone. There were so many who had faith and were very prayerful but their lives were still cut short unexpectedly. That they died doesn’t imply God didn’t love them or we are more holy than they were. However, no matter how long we live, it is still a brief lifetime. So, it will be wise if we choose to live a life that matters.

Many times, people have talked about writing their names on the sands of time but, that is easy to be washed away. It will be better for us to write our names in the history book of humanity (by writing it on the minds of people both within our reach and far from our reach). We must strive to live the kind of life that will earn us the respect of intelligent people.

One sad thing that can happen to any man even after his death is, his biography being filled with lies (things he wasn’t & those he didn’t do). Sighs will be flying all over the funeral arena from guests during the reading of the biography! Read a brief story about the saddest funeral I have ever heard of, written by Rev. Robert H. Schuller. He says;

“The saddest funeral I ever conducted as a pastor was for a wealthy man who had not a single mourner at his funeral. His three adult sons lived in the community but did not attend. I have never had an experience like it before or since. Only the mortician and I were there! When I asked for an explanation, the funeral director said, “All he wanted was to make more money and acquire selfish toys. He didn’t have time for his children. He had no time for his wife. He had no time or money to share with the church or the social charities. He hit it lucky in the stock market! But he died an extremely sick and lonely man. In fact the doctors say his loneliness brought on his early death!”

A lot of us may want to distant ourselves from this man’s lifestyle, but the truth is, he didn’t just get there, the ‘little’ things he neglected on a daily basis got him there! Let us realize that for everyday we live, we are writing our biography. More consciousness therefore needs to be put into the things we do & those we tend to neglect because, if we don’t, we could be writing a biography of lies while we are still alive!

Have you ever wondered why a statement of bank account is not stated in biographies? The cars the deceased drove, is it being stated? What about the houses he owned, the stocks/shares, the vacations he had, are they being stated? These are the things the entire world seems to be busy with and at the end we don’t want to include them in our tributes (We finally realize they were only accessories to an ultimate goal!) All we want to be stated is how life was made better for others through us & how we served God! What matters then is no longer the neighborhood in which we lived but how we lived with our neighbors! What matters then is not the vehicle we drove in but how many people we ‘transported’ to better places in life! What will matter then isn’t whether you studied at home or abroad but was the society any better because of you studied? What will matter isn’t whether you were a man of success but were you a man of value? Questions you have to answer for yourself!

We are all from different backgrounds and we all have different ambitions and this article is not to say whose ambitions are right or wrong, no! This is just to call our attention to the fact that through our daily activities on earth, we are already writing our biographies. What are we writing in there? Do we want it to be read? If no, then we need to make some adjustments and begin to live a life that matters.

To live a life that matters doesn’t happen by chance but, by choice. The time to live a life of relevance that will place a tribute on the lips of all those who knew us or heard about our good deeds, even long after we’ve passed away, is now! Ever since I picked up a pen and wrote what I would like my biography & tributes (Personal Mission Statement) to look like, I am not moved an inch by the happenings in the world, my heart seriously longs towards making those words I penned down becoming an undisputed reality after I pass on. Those words have the power of bringing me out from my mess each time I review them. They are my life guide!

I suggest you take out a few minutes in the early hours of the day and picture what you would like your biography/tribute to be, then assess yourself to see if your life activities are geared towards making it an undisputed reality! Don’t ignore this if you really want to live a life that matters!
God help us!
Maple Dappa T.

VICTIM OF A BROKEN HOME

Each time I get distressed about my ordeals as a product of separated parents, the title of James Thiongo Ngungi’s book; ‘weep not child’ becomes of a great solace to me. Growing up for me was a very awful experience. Waking up and getting ready for school, I ate my breakfast of beans and garri (grated & fried cassava) which was the most regular meal in our home – thank God I had something to eat most times. At school, it was embarrassing to hear my schoolmates talk about how lovely their parents were and I couldn’t talk because mine was only about my mother, my mother – thank God at least I had a parent. At the sound of the school bell for the day’s dismissal, my heart began to beat fast because it was time to retire to the benches which we joined together as our bed – thank God I had where to lay my head on. My mother was and is still a primary school teacher, so there was nothing to brag about before my schoolmates and playmates – thank God it’s a blessing to grow up under the auspices of a teacher. Our house was the school kitchen; there was no television, radio and such like – thank God we had a shelter. My mother, as a teacher catering for the needs of her only two sons without the support of their father or a husband, usually plucked mango and guava leaves and boiled it together with lemon grass for us to drink whenever we fell ill, since her small salary couldn’t be spent on hospital bills alone – thank God for herbal remedies. On the two different occasions that I went to my father’s house to spend my holidays, all I enjoyed was series of mal-treatment from my stepmother – thank God that unknowingly to her then, she succeeded in helping to make me who I am today. The only place I could constantly go to, to be a holidaymaker was the village where my maternal grandmother won’t cease from chastisement of me. At the village, there were no toys, biscuits, ice cream, etc – thank God for the opportunity to learn the ways of my tradition and for the wisdom that I gained from my grandma. I stayed with some of my relatives and I had some awful experiences as well – thank God for the knowledge of the fact that there is nothing as sweet as home. Though I wasn’t getting the things I wished for as a growing child; envy, self-pity and low self-esteem were never a part of me. I know I would be a great man – thank God for exposing me to the secret that I was the egg of an eagle that got hatched by a hen. A lot of people are very insensitive to the ordeals of people like me who are victims of a broken home; close family members and close friends who are supposed to serve as a source of solace are insensitive to my feelings – thank God for opening my eyes to the challenging truth that, my destiny is in my hands! Your case may be worse than mine; but, always know that ‘life is not what it makes of you but what you make of it’!
http://www.mapleshinx.blogspot.com

BEHIND THE MASK

Somehow, someway, in the process of going up the stage called life, we pick up masks that we intend to wear throughout the period we would be on stage playing out the roles inscribed in our scripts. While some that are strictly religious endeavor to play out roles given to them by their CREATOR, others play out roles that they have created for themselves. With different actors on stage playing out their roles with brief smiles on their faces, they’ve got varying expressions behind the mask being worn for the show. The actor who laughs best in the show may possibly have bags of frowns behind his mask and the one that kept smiling ceaselessly in the show may have trails of tears behind his mask. I may not be making any sense but let me re-iterate by saying that the stage I’m talking about is this world where we are born someday and die someday, some say it’s a crazy world and will take crazy people to live herein, others say it’s a wonderful world with beautiful people. The masks are the things we’ve attached so much emotion and passion to, some wear the mask of luxury, some wear the mask of power, some wear the mask of gods, some wear the mask of poverty, some wear the mask of extravagance, some wear the mask of prosperity, some wear the mask of holiness, some wear the mask of academics and so on. While the masks are things we attach so much priority to, they are also the things people know us for. The roles we play are our lifestyles in accordance with the mask. The CREATOR is GOD, ALLAH, JAH. The script is the purpose of our lives. So many times I have wondered if the masks we wear really represents what is behind the mask. I will leave that for you the reader of this article to figure out, while you do that also ask yourself, “is your lifestyle representing a genuine purpose for your being in this world?” we all have dreams, just that some can’t articulate their dreams, some have forgotten about their dreams and others no longer believe in their dreams…………but we all have a DREAM in us! In conclusion of this piece, I would like us to realize that all those that have been recognized as successful people or as great minds in the history of this world, have been those who linked same purpose on their masks and behind the mask (those that cry on the outside just as they cry on the inside & laugh on the inside just as they laugh on the outside) or those who were courageous enough to put off their mask of no genuine purpose for the world to see who the real person behind the mask is, never minding what people would think or say. I am talking about GREATMINDS like: Ludwig Van Beethoven, Winston Churchill, Charles Dickens, Thomas Edison, Billy Graham, Pope John Paul 11, Helen Keller, Martin Luther king jr, Abraham Lincoln, Rev. Martin Luther, Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks, Mahatma Ghandi, Harriet Tubman, Mother Theresa, on and on it goes. I would like to urge you to discover your true self and show it to the world, your little effort is sufficient to make the world a better place ! once again, ask yourself this; “WHO ARE YOU BEHIND THE MASK?”

changing world

Old man sitting by the side of the road
he's not watching the birds today
he's not watching the sunset like he always does
he's looking at the future
he hates seeing the past
skool boy passes by and interrupts his thoughts..........
he says "sir can u spare me a dollar,i've got to make it in time for my class,i've got fresh and cigarrete.........
i tell u what............the world is changing
doesn't like what he sees but what can he do?
little girl passes by with a baby in her arms
he thinks it's her mother's
but no,it is her own............
she's only 12 years old for
crying out loud
with his wobbling fingers
he wipes away the tears in his eyes
if this is the FUTURE he doesn't want to be part of it,so do i.
The world is changing,take your time,look around,make the right decision.

Excerpt : lucky dube(respect)

I have a dream..........

I have a dream…………………… just as whoopi Goldberg puts it “we are here for a reason, to throw little torches and help people through the dark”. That’s exactly my purpose in life, to put smiles on the face of humanity. I still believe in CHARITY even though the World has gotten so egocentric.

Why the hell must i wait to be in utmost luxury before I reach out to the less privileged; will I ever get satisfied with wealth?

Why should I decide to give out those clothes I have condemned? I give out the ones I still wear!

I’ve got to strife harder to get myself to the position where I can reach as many as possible although I’m already doing the little I can (I want to live my life for others).

Inspire people don’t expire them this is just a few of the reason’s I’ve got to establish the MAPLESOUL FOUNDATION!